Words often have the intended effect.

I remember the first time I heard the term ‘long in the tooth’. Drinking a glass of champagne with my long-time guy, at a Salomon Brothers partners’ dinner, the infamous Lee Kimmel, then head of merchant banking, commented that John Gutfreund’s wife Susan was getting ‘long in the tooth.’

Susan was in her late thirties. I winced, wondering if I was already “long in the tooth”, too.

Pussy Boys

A couple weeks ago, I read GQ’s “The Whipped List”, led by British director and Madonna’s husband, Guy Richie.

There was that darn phrase again, penned in the venomous tongue of writer Matt Haber:

After the tough-talking shoot-’em-up Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels made him famous, the British director married long-in-the-tooth pop star Madonna and collaborated with her on a train wreck of a shipwreck comedy called Swept Away. The director gets extra lashes for embracing his wife’s trendy spiritual endeavors, reportedly sacrificing what’s left of his career cred on a yet-to-be-released documentary on Kabbalah. But the real reason he tops the list? This photo of Ritchie and Madge and a recently purchased strap-on. But really, who thought she needed one?

Ouch! No, not the strap-on.

There’s real poison in Haber’s words, although I suspect that — like so many men — he actually toys with the idea of anal penetration. These comments don’t just fly out of our minds for no reason.

As a GILF dating, lipstick feminist, an alpha female who adores men and vice versa, I’ve come to understand that strapon play is a common male fantasy, one understandably unarticulated in America’s homophobic culture.

In Need of a Whipping Post

Haber drops the gauntlet to all hot, alpha women in his introduction to The Whipped List:

Ever since our prehistoric ancestors first crawled out of the ocean, took a deep breath of air, and uttered that familiar phrase “Sure, we can go to the Container Store on Saturday,” certain men have buckled under female domination. But is there any doubt we’re living in a golden age of rampant, public whipping? Everywhere you look these days, you see the telltale signs of submission: pathological obedience, public humiliation, couples Pilates.

Personally, I can go for a little erotic surrender on occasion.

Hit ‘Em Hard, Where It Hurts

Haber isn’t the first man to use body imagery to psychologically intimidate and disable women. I remember firing someone once, and on his way out the door, he told me I had a fat ass. Sounds like something Matt Haber would write.

Bottom line, variety in our species promises a certain number of vitriolic, misogynistic, sort of guys (and women), the ones who can’t tolerate strong women under any circumstances.

Enjoying generally superb relationships with men of any sexual persuasion, I couldn’t resist Googling: “Is Matt Haber gay?” Or is he just clever with words… writing aggressive bon mots for high-impact effects in today’s tone-deaf world.

My search is inconclusive, but I assure Matt Haber that Madonna is too busy managing her own branding and public imaging, her kids, her spiritual side, her new documentary … to give a tinkers damn about pussy whipping Guy Ritchie.